


Do as I Say, Not as I Did

by Katuary



Series: Thunder and Lightning [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Blue-Purple Hawke (Dragon Age), F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Hawke Family (Dragon Age) Feels, Hypocrisy, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Warrior Hawke (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:56:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katuary/pseuds/Katuary
Summary: Marian Hawke and her mother discuss her new relationship with Anders. It doesn’t go smoothly.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke
Series: Thunder and Lightning [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1477754
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Do as I Say, Not as I Did

"Did I ever mention Seneschal Bran has a son about your age?"

Hawke folded her arms over her chest, fighting the urge to roll her eyes at her mother. At this stage, it couldn't possibly be ignorance, unless it was willful. Even _Gamlen_ had picked up on things. _I hear you’ve moved that apostate boy into your house. You really are your mother’s daughter._ She turned in her desk chair casually, boots crossed at the knee.

"You have, yes." Hawke's mouth twitched, holding back a smile. This could be fun. "I don't believe we have much in common though. _Completely_ the opposite of my type."

 _Her type_ had been spending the night nearly two weeks straight, kept a spare set of robes in her closet, and was due to move in completely any day now. She and Anders hadn't exactly been keeping things secret.

Leandra waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, you never know until you meet someone. You can find a match in the most unexpected places, Marian, dear."

Hawke grinned and nodded. "Oh, I know. Happens when you're not even looking, doesn't it?"

Like when you're trying to find entrances to the Deep Roads and need to track down a Grey Warden, say. Hypothetically. 

"Exactly so. I still remember the night I met your father. Poor Gamlen was stuck keeping our parents away the entire party."

She had heard this story before. Her father used it as a bedtime story for all three children, even though Carver rolled his eyes at the mushy parts. Hawke shook her head in amusement and opted to be more direct.

"Well," she drawled, "I suppose that sort of thing runs in the family, then."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Amell girls running after dashing apostates, of course."

The smallest of frowns creased her mother's face. "I'm not sure I understand."

"Sweet _Maker,_ mother!"

"Pardon?"

Hawke raised an eyebrow, maintaining incredulous eye contact until Leandra finally broke with a sigh and teasing half smile.

"Oh, alright," she relented, "I've seen how that Anders fellow looks at you."

"You seem pretty keen on matchmaking for someone who knows that."

"I suppose I don't know that things are..." Leandra shrugged, unnecessarily straightening a quill on one of the desks. "...well, if they're serious."

Hawke's back stiffened. "He's moving in."

Her mother's expression was hard to read when she turned to look at her again. 

"That's..." Leandra hesitated. "When is this supposed to happen?"

Hawke tried not to bristle at the wording. As if this were at all uncertain.

"Soon," she answered shortly. Irritated as she was, she couldn't help the smile spreading widely across her face as she continued. "He just needs to make sure he has everything he needs from the clinic. Someone to run for him if there's a problem when he's not there, too. I'm helping him move the second he's packed."

Leandra's frown didn't lift. "This just...seems awfully fast, doesn't it?"

"We've been friends for three years, mother." What did it matter they'd only been sleeping together for two weeks? She stood, pacing the room. "Besides, with all the templar raids in Darktown--"

"That doesn't make it the right time."

That stopped her pacing. "And what does?"

Leandra avoided her daughter's eyes and sighed. She _always_ did that when her children disagreed with her, particularly Marian. As if having a different opinion was a personal insult. As if it caused her physical pain to explain how she was in the right. When her mother finally spoke again, her voice was softer, barely audible.

"Marian, you don't truly want to make the same mistakes I did?"

"I..." Hawke laughed incredulously, crossing her arms again. "You didn't actually say that."

"I'm just saying you should think harder before you throw away a fresh start."

 _Throwing away?_ Hawke counted to three in her head before echoing, "A fresh start?"

"We only just regained our estate. And with Bethany safe in the Circle..."

" _Safe?"_

"You've seen her letters. She seems happy enough there."

"I don't see where that says anything about _safe._ "

Another weary sigh from her mother. "I just don't see why you feel the need to involve yourself in this mage business any longer. Things are finally...stable for us."

Had any of those sentences been spoken by _anyone else_ , Hawke would have warned them to choose their next words carefully lest they lose teeth. But this wasn't a self-righteous templar. This was her _mother._ The last family she could realistically see any longer. If she rejected her, if she left her because Hawke said the wrong thing...

How much did that matter?

Not enough to let the moment pass without a challenge. Her fists clenched and relaxed before she responded.

"If I stopped fighting the moment _I_ was safe, I wouldn't be much of a Hawke, would I?" She shook her head in disgust, "Bethany _isn't_ safe in the Circle. The _Circle_ isn't safe. You never wanted to be head of the household. You have no say over how I run things now."

"Marian..." Leandra sighed and averted her eyes, "Is it truly so wrong to want a moment of peace for your child? Stability? I just know he will drag you right back into this templar fighting..."

_Will? It’s a little late for future tense._

"You know me," Hawke tried for humor, but only managed a weak shrug, "I'd be right in the thick of it one way or another."

”That’s _why_ I worry, Marian.” Leandra rested her hand on her daughter’s arm, squeezing gently. Hawke smiled tightly and placed her hand over her mother’s.   
  
“I’m...not used to you being worried about me,” she admitted reluctantly, adding a small laugh to soften the words. It had always been about the twins. Even before the Deep Roads, her mother had begged her not to take Bethany, but held no such concern for Marian. Hawke still wondered whether she should have ignored her; would Bethany still have surrendered herself to the templars then?

Leandra frowned. “Of course I worry about you. What would make you think I don’t?”

She shouldn’t have said anything. When it came to defending others, Hawke was relentless. When it came to herself? She shook her head.

”I...shouldn’t have said it like that.”

Leandra shook her head and took a step back. “Marian, I’ve never known you to say anything you didn’t mean.”

Hawke hoped that didn't hold true for her mother. She vividly remembered what she had told her in the wake of Carver's sudden death: _How could you let him charge off like that? Your little brother! My little boy!_

It didn't matter that Hawke hadn't been near enough to stop him. It was her fault. She was supposed to protect him. She'd promised her father she would keep their family safe, and her mother readily told her she had failed. 

She easily could have used the opportunity to remind her mother of everything she’d said. Instead, she tried to return to the topic at hand.

”If I never say anything I don’t mean, then trust what I say now. Know that even if Anders changed his mind about mages tomorrow—“ She would have his head checked first... “—I would still fight.”

Leandra’s frown deepened. “Darling, you know Bethany went voluntarily. She hated seeing you and Carver risk your lives keeping her safe.”

That had been the worst part. All those years convincing her baby sister she wasn’t a burden, and she leapt at the chance to relieve her family of her care. Beth would have _adored_ the estate too...she hadn’t had the chance to so much as cross the threshold.

”I know,” Hawke sighed, “But that doesn’t change anything. Even if she refused to leave...” She shook her head. “It wouldn’t matter. Accepting it doesn’t make it right.”

”Marian...”

”I have to go.” Before they returned to raised voices and sharp words. Hawke wrapped her mother in a warm hug, smiling when she returned it. “I’ll be all right.”

”I certainly hope so.” Leandra took a step back, squeezing her daughter’s arms once and giving a searching look before releasing her. Her expression cleared into a small smirk as she sighed again. “And you tell your man he’s coming to tea one of these days. I need to be sure of his intentions if he plans on courting you.”

” _Courting?_ Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

”I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.” She shook her head and reached up to muss Hawke’s hair affectionately. “Behave yourself, you hear me? Be safe.”

”Yes, mother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Only Red Hawke options I ever choose with my canon Hawke are when her family gets threatened. So when one member of her family says something that discounts the safety of another member of her family, she pretty much...short circuits. 
> 
> Leandra is a complicated mother. She puts so much on Hawke's shoulders, blames her for her brother's death, and begs her to leave Bethany out of the Deep Roads mission. Because she is clearly more worried about losing Bethany than her eldest. But she does apologize for the blame, the pressure...and she is more encouraging and openly proud of Hawke during Act 2. I honestly don't know what to make of it. These two love each other, no doubt, but this is far from a healthy parent-child relationship. 
> 
> PS: I get a kick out of the “apostate boy” thing from Gamlen. I moved it here instead of Act 3 (because no one takes three years after agreeing to move in to actually move in ffs), but...Gamlen? Dude? Anders is...in his mid thirties. _Boy._ Pfft.


End file.
